When God calls you to a place, you have to go. There is no
choice in the matter; you have to go where you are sent. While you think you
might have an option to go or not to go, the truth is if you are obedient to
the word of God then you must go; it brokers no argument. And if we aren’t
going, we need to be serving, even if we might be gone tomorrow.
Having come to Canberra
in December last year I only thought that it would be a short 1-2 month stay at
best, and that come January I would be off teaching out there in the wider
world. This was my plan at least, but often God has his own plans. On asking my
parents where would be a good place to go to church while I was here in my
‘temporary’ state of affairs, my mum suggested HOG. And so being the good
little Christian that I was, I went along. My first night there was a little
strange, I didn’t know anyone, and I didn’t really know why I was there, apart
from the fact it was church, and I needed to connect with Christians. What I
saw though on my first night, the one thing that actually stood out about the
community was just that, it was a community. When I use the word community in
this sense, I use it to reflect the truest sense of the word, here there was no
visible cliques, groups, factions, but instead there was an undercurrent of
unity.
This was strange to me, how is it that a large group of
people, in particular, how is it that a church can be without fraction? Growing
up all the churches I had been to had some sort of divisions, be they
generational, cultural, sub-cultural, friendship groups, etc, but here they
were nonexistent. I needed to know why. It wasn’t till a few weeks later that
Geoff started talking about the history of HOG, and then on a Wednesday about
inclusiveness.
On the Wednesday session he brought up something interesting
about the group that some might argue suggested the reasons for such unity, and
that is as a church, the general view was that everyone was much alike, making it
easy to relate with everyone, but he also challenged that norm, and said we
needed to include people outside our norm. I think it is this attitude of
acceptance, and this desire to accept, that breaks down the barriers that would
automatically exist. I believe that if people are there with accepting and open
attitudes, divisions wont occur, but if people exclude others for whatever
reason, then exclusions will happen, regardless of how alike the larger group
might be – I have seen those very types of divisions occur everywhere, where
people are alike, yet chose to separate themselves from others like them.
But I digress, and will continue. Seeing this difference to
other churches I had been in and being accepted because I am what I am has
actually broken down a lot of barriers I put up on moving to Canberra, and just
after Christmas I felt the Lord telling me to ‘watch and listen’, and that is
what I did, I watched, listened, learnt, and saw a model of Christs church that
glorified God in everything, in brokenness and joy, in living, community and
desires. A community united, desiring to glorify God. Truly, not just lip
service but heartfelt desire that pushed all other desires to the side.
And yet even on seeing this, I still thought my stay was
only for a few more weeks, and that said, I refused to put down roots, I was
hesitant in making friendships, because I figured that I wasn’t going to be
here for long. Fortunately for me everyone starting putting roots into me,
investing time to get to know me, sharing about themselves, and before I knew
what had happened I had roots, roots tangled with others, and I knew from then
it would be difficult to leave of my own accord.
I used the word ‘go’ in my title for a particular reason;
the main reason is that God doesn’t desire us to leave relationship, to leave
people. He wants us to stay connected, and that should someone ‘leave’ they are
merely going somewhere else, but will always be tangled with where they came
from.
So here I am now, not sure if I will be here next week,
waiting to hear back from an interview 800km away if I get a job or not. There
is a real disquiet in my heart too, not one born of any apprehension, but a
sadness that I might be really moving on. I have learnt so much since December,
and am still learning, and there are relationships here that I don’t want to
leave behind should I go, and it’s sad and scary. But I know in my heart right
now, that should I be given the job, I will take it, not because it’s a job,
but God is telling me that where I go from here is where I have been sent by
him. I am going because he so desires that I go, and if I stay, it’s because
that is his plans for me right now, just as it was in December, even if I did
not know then.
I have been incredibly humbled by God in this. Where I end up
a year, 2 years a lifetime from now should never be a choice I make from my own
selfishness, but one with an understanding that God want’s to use me there. It
is also a challenge, because I think that we need to be in a state of continued
preparedness to go. It is easy staying where things are comfortable, safe and
calm, and we can get complacent to Gods call for our lives, ignoring
opportunities and chances for us to do his work. If we are prepared to go, then
we are listening to God, and looking for how he works in our lives, both in the
immediate and the future. If we are comfortable it is easy to ignore a command
to go, and continue to live as we do. Are we following Christ or are we trying
to tell him where we want to go?
There is a second challenge I am only just now learning,
this very week, although it has arisen prior, I just haven’t been able to
contextualise it until now. This challenge is even harder than being prepared
to go; it is the challenge of serving, and committing to serving where we are
at, in the immediate. I am incredibly guilty of failing to serve these last few
months, I saw my temporary state a perfect excuse to avoid committing to
serving, I can cook, but never have I provided dinner after church, I can play
an instrument, but never have I offered to play in church, I can serve the
community, but in my refusal to put down roots I have shied away. It is easy to
serve when you are safe and comfortable, easy to commit to things, in fact
sometimes that service is just done to be seen to serve, not offering anything
of oneself that is really sacrificial. I know all about this kind of service,
that’s how I used to serve at my old churches. But here, knowing that I could
be gone whenever God sends me should not be an excuse not to serve.
Serving while being prepared to go, committing to the
present, despite what changes the future has in store is incredibly tough. I
have always valued my word, that when I say I will do something, I mean that I
will do it, in fact it has become a point of pride for me, I am so proud of
this fact that I have refused to commit to serve at church, simply out of fear of breaking my
word. I valued my own integrity above serving. It is hard for me to accept that
if I can’t do something, then people will forgive me for that, and it’s silly
to think that should I roster on to do dinner in 2 weeks time and have to move
before then that I will feel I have let people down.
Serving needs to come at a cost, for me that cost is the
value I place in my word. When Jesus performed the ultimate cost of serving, it
was not comfortable. When Mary washed the feet of Jesus with oil and tears it
cost her entire dignity. At the same time, being prepared to go when called
comes with its own cost and challenges. In our preparedness to go we are
seeking out God first, and his will and plans, listening for him to dictate to
our lives. In that same way, in that prepared state we are also in the best
position to serve the Lord where we are at, giving of ourselves not because we
desire it, but giving because God so desires it. If you are comfortable and
serving, is it really a service to others or are you just serving your own
desires? Service needs to be sacrificial, giving, generous, and bold. Only
being prepared to go where God sends us, be it down the street or another
country, can we really serve where and how God desires us to serve. It has to
cost, it has to come at a price, be born of self sacrifice.
I know for my own journey, that serving here and now, when I
might be some place else tomorrow is a big step, because it means my commitments
might be broken, that my integrity might take a hit, but if it doesn’t cost me,
then I am merely doing things because I already know I can. I need to grow here
and now, as much as I do when God sends me elsewhere. There is a certain
urgency that comes with today, and being prepared to go, and/or serve is more
important than our own comfort and desires.
